Is That Produce in Your Carry-On?

I make the world’s best zucchini bread.  I have proof to back up this claim.  I tasted it and was all, “This is the best zucchini bread in the world!”  And then I agreed with myself and that’s pretty much irrefutable evidence.

Anyway, my Aunt is sick and she loves zucchini bread so I made plans to make her zucchini bread because what a sick Aunt wants, a sick Aunt gets.

The best place in Atlanta to buy produce is the Dekalb Farmer’s Market but it’s not anywhere close to home or work and so when roommate said she’d could swing by I anointed her “Zucchini Czar” and began her training.  I explained that the smaller zucchini are sweeter and have thinner skin making them ideal for zucchini bread.  This turned into a somewhat pornographic-looking (and sounding) discussion on the perfect size produce.  Once I had her trained in all things zucchini I sent her on her zucchini expedition and she delivered everything my heart desired…zucchini-wise that is.

However, there was an emergency migraine and then a few hiccups in the road that prevented me from actually making the zucchini bread before I needed to leave to go to Aunt’s house.  So, I stood there looking at my nine (yes…nine…enough to make about 5 loaves of zucchini bread) zucchini, I momentarily entertained the idea of carrying the zucchini with me to Aunt’s house and making the bread there.  Surely there’s room for nine zucchini in my carry-on bag?

But then I thought about going through the TSA security checkpoint at the airport with nine zucchini in my bag.  In the scenario that unfolded in my head, I was standing shoeless on the secure side of the metal detector waiting for my bag to come sliding out of the machine when the TSA agent staring at the screen waves over his fellow agents and they all point at the screen giggling as it dawns on me what they *think* is in my bag.  And then I yell (without thinking because I typically yell stuff without thinking first) “Hey, those aren’t adult toys, they’re zucchini!”  Because traveling with 9 zucchini in your suitcase is totally normal. 

Then I started to question the legality of transporting vegetables across state lines.  I mention this because when I came back from Dubai, they were very adamant that you not bring back any agricultural items.  Granted that was more “across the world” than “across state lines” but I worried that maybe you needed some sort of special permit to transport veggies between states.  And suddenly I had visions of myself sequestered in an airport holding cell using my one phone call to explain to my mom that I just wanted to make some zucchini bread and could she please send me a lawyer. 

So, I decided the safest thing to do was to leave my 9 zucchini behind and buy  more zucchini once I arrived at Aunt’s house. 

And it’s a good thing.  For at the grocery store near Aunt’s house I found a poor lady floundering about near the zucchini looking stressed (and maybe a little constipated).  She saw me going for the zucchini and asked eagerly, “How do you pick out a good zucchini?”  I’m like some kind of zucchini ambassador.  Had I brought my zucchini with me instead of buying locally that poor lady might still be there in the produce department looking confused. 

For those of you scrunching up your noses thinking that a bread made out of a green vegetable sounds slightly less appetizing than licking a sweaty foot, I have news for you.  Zucchini makes a delicious sweet bread.  You’d never know there was a vegetable in it.  This is the recipe I use.  Give it a try, I promise you’ll love it.

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1 Comment

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One response to “Is That Produce in Your Carry-On?

  1. “I make the world’s best zucchini bread. I have proof to back up this claim. I tasted it and was all, “This is the best zucchini bread in the world!” And then I agreed with myself and that’s pretty much irrefutable evidence.”

    ❤ ❤ ❤

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