It’s been over a year since I updated this blog and yet I’m still pulling in just under 50 views a day. The tenacity with which some of you stalk me is just heartwarming. Thank you.
I find it fascinating that my most popular blog isn’t about my exquisite cooking or my ability to make desserts that will get you drunk, instead it’s about butts. All of you are afraid of having your hind quarters violated by the medical equivalent of a selfie stick…apparently. If only fear of selfie sticks was so rampant. I’m okay with that because I trust that after reading my comprehensive colonoscopy column, I’ve put your worst fears at ease and all of you with unmolested hind quarters ran out and scheduled a close up viewing of your rear end and I’m going to give myself credit for saving you from dying of colon cancer (and also from pooping into a bag through your abdomen) and so you’re welcome.
I know my delinquency has probably been intolerable for like the two of you that check this for new content and not just to figure out how to survive medically sanctioned anal probing. To you two (Hi mom and dad!) I have to say that I at least have REALLY good excuses.
You see, over the last 12 months I….
1. Fell in love…well, re-fell in love with someone I once loved a long time ago. It was more of a swan dive with wild abandon this time. And it has been amazing.
2. Got married after a very very very short courtship (see comment re: swan dive in #1 above).
3. Inherited a child as a result of an emergency situation. We had fully expected to adopt this child and went into it with 100% commitment to her. And this occurred only a month after our wedding.
4. Became parents of a 7 year old girl (as a result of #3) via the “into the fire” method of learning to do things.
5. Lost our little girl because of situations that are beyond our control and honestly I don’t feel at liberty to talk about on this blog. Just suffice it to say that minds were changed and hearts were broken and we’re all trying to heal as best we can. If there had been anything we could have done within our power to retain custody of her, she’d still be here with us. But we are blessed to know where she is and to know she’s healthy and thriving and to be permitted some communication with her. We miss her ferociously and my heart still aches when I think of her.
6. Found out we’ll be welcoming a baby in January of 2016 if this baby doesn’t take after me and shows up on time. My due date is Jan. 31 so if the baby does take after me, we’ll have to push the welcoming to February some time.
So, I’ve been busy. We’ve been busy. And with a baby on the way, there’s not going to be any letting up and so I’m not going to make any promises. I may or may not be able to keep up with this blogging endeavor as a newly-wed, working-mother of an infant. I’d like to. But I know once I’m pulling night duty on the diaper changing station and offering up my jiggly bits to the nutrition of my child at his or her whim, my wants may become less cerebral and sarcastic and begin to lean to the more basic of human needs…like uninterrupted sleep and meals that other people cook. I may lose my sense of humor or forget my blog password (don’t laugh, it’s happened).
One thing is for sure, I can’t wait to be a parent again. Being a mom, whether by fostering, adopting, birthing…it changes you. And losing that motherhood can’t change you back. Having a baby won’t erase the bond we formed with the child we began to raise and won’t replace her and won’t even fill the void that remains in our hearts for her. But for me, becoming a mother again feels like the fulfillment of a purpose for which I am overdue.
So, thanks for checking in still. And even bigger thanks to those of you that leave comments when you’re here. I like knowing that you’re taking care of your colo-rectal health even if you aren’t interested in Lego dramas and cookies with anger management issues.